For a long time now, I have been on a quest to find jeans that fit me. The last time I bought jeans that actually fit, I was in DC the first time, roughly 2006ish. I have despartely been clinging on to the handful of jeans that really fit, but two of the four pairs have holes in inappropriate places and are wearing thin. Another pair was essentially ruined in my first craptastic job rotation with filing cabinet grease of all things. I have one last pair that is acceptable to wear in public, so needless to say, the options are getting slim.
Of course, if you looked in the drawer were I keep my jeans, you might say to yourself, "But you seem to have plenty of jeans in here." And you would be right, but half don't actually fit and the other half have been accounted for above. I bought 3 pairs of jeans from Old Navy when they were on sale and appeared to fit me really well in the dressing room. And they did. And then I washed them and wore them. They fit every place except the waist. And you might be thinking, "Doh! She shrunk them!" Not at all! They seem to loosen up after wearing them and so the top really doesn't fit unless they are sitting at my hips which then puts the crotch of the jean about 3 inches lower than it ought to be. Sigh.
As best I can figure the jeans fads took a turn for the worst right after I bought my last pairs. They went from what I will refer to as my "normal" to super ridiculous low rise, show your hoochie coochie, half inch zipper jeans. Umm no thank you. That fad hung around surprisingly longer than I expected. They got rid of every resemblance of my "normal" and put in these impostors that claimed to be the same fit, but came with an annoying gap between the waist and the back of the jean. This was the problem with the 3 pairs of jeans from Old Navy and in fact is still a problem today with all the pairs of jeans I try on. Apparently at some point people's asses just morphed into their backs and eliminated the need to have jeans that accommodated us freaks with a waist and a rear end. Today, the latest fad is the Skinny jean. Note to all fashion designers - this has been your worst idea ever. EVER! Only a fraction of people actually look good in Skinny jeans, but the general public is unaware of this.
I feel it's important to state that I had never really had a problem finding jeans that fit until this roller coaster fashion wheel of jean designs began. I haven't really gained or lost enough weight in the last 10 years to really affect how jeans would fit me. In fact I am still wearing the jeans I bought way back in 2004. Desperately clinging onto them and hoping that will power will stop them from wearing too thin for wearing in public.
On occasion when I have been in high spirits or have had enough to drink, I get this bright idea to try on every pair of jeans I can. Rationale, there has to be SOMETHING out there that fits. Those trips resulted in a lot of anger and no where to direct it. Today was another one of those such trips. I felt pretty optimistic as I had insider information on where someone found jeans that fit really well. Sadly, that turned out to be a giant bust for me. Like all the other pairs, they fit everywhere but the waist. I said screw it, I am here (mall), I am going to give it a go. I tried on another 20 pairs of jeans, different brands, different stores, and finally I had a pair that fit. Like honest to god fit. They were long enough, stylish, and had NO GAP! Holy crap! Who was the genius behind this invention? Not Your Daughter's Jeans! Right, ok, so I don't have a daughter who has jeans to be some kind of bizarrely jealous of, so that part is not quite right. But they fit and I don't give a flying fig!
They were a little more pricey than I am used to paying, but I said, well, I could buy another 3 pairs of jeans that almost fit or one pair that definitely fits and I will wear for another 5 years (if my last purchases are any indication). So I was kind of cursing myself for leaving my Macy's coupons at home, but I said, whatever, just buy them. I think the universe was trying to give a general approval of my purchase since when I actually checked out, the sales person gave me some random 25% off (they were not on sale, I checked after). Umm THANK YOU! I was tempted to go back and buy another pair, but I didn't want to repeat the Old Navy mistake at a larger price (ugh). I will make a final decision on purchasing more after a few wears. For now I will rejoice in what is most certainly the end of my quest!
